I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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