Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
