No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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