I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
