Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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