i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
