Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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