Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
