How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
