You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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