There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
