I wish my penis had an off switch
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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