also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
