I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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