Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
