He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
