so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I love you. Go after that dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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