My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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