it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
