Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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