HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
