Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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