Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
