1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
