On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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