i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
