We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
