My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
