Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
