it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
