i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
