You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
