Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
