So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
