my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
