It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
