the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
as a side note pls kill me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
