walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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