The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
