tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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