I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
