i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
