the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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