Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
