i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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