if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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