dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
