Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love you.
Bad choice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
