She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
