I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
