We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
