He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
