The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
