You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
