I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
