life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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