I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
