I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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